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Paleo and Sex: How to Have a Ravenous and Kickass Female Libido

Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Blog, Sex | 26 comments

Paleo and Sex: How to Have a Ravenous and Kickass Female Libido

Sex is one of the most important things we do.

Desiring sex, therefore, is one of the most important things we can feel.

According to a Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) study reported on in February 1999, about 43 percent of women (compared to 31 percent of men) suffer sexual inadequacy for one reason or another.  Interestingly, this is thought to actually underestimate the real level of sexual dysfunction in the U.S.  Yikes.

What follows is a description of the physiological components of libido, how to maximize those components, and then a discussion of the psychosocial components.  The psychosocial components are the trickiest to get a handle on, but they are also treatable with proper therapy (if necessary), love, empowered embodiment, and raging, well-deserved confidence.

Factors playing a role in libido

Specific foods are not in reality relevant for libido, except for how they may temporarily increase testosterone levels (a la oysters).  Instead, for both women and men, all of the physiological factors that influence libido boil down to long-term sex hormone levels and balance.   First, absolute levels of hormones are important: for example, the greater amount of sex hormones in the blood, the sexier a woman will feel.  Secondly, Balance is also crucial.  For example, estrogen is not typically considered important in arousing a woman’s sex drive.  But having clinically low estrogen levels–that is, estrogen levels below the baseline for proper sexual function–prohibits absolutely any kind of sensation a woman might have in her clitoris.    That’s scary.

This is the effect that all hormones have on sex drive, generally:

Testosterone: Increases libido.  Testosterone is the hormone primarily responsible for sex drive in both men and women.  When women with hypoactive sexual dysfunction disorder are treated with testosterone, for example, they often experienced increased sex drive.  Higher testosterone levels also enlarge the clitoris (good to know if yours is shy!), but unfortunately if other hormone levels do not rise along with testosterone, symptoms of hyperandrogenism such as facial hair and acne may manifest themselves.  For this reason, testosterone supplementation is not an advisable method of increasing libido.

Estrogen: Crucial at baseline for sexual function.  It is also the primary hormone responsible for vaginal lubrication.  However, estrogen is a testosterone antagonist, so the more estrogen a woman has in her system, the less testosterone she has available to pump up her libido.  Estrogen dominance therefore is one of the greatest culprits in contemporary Western sexual dysfunction.

Progesterone: Another testosterone antagonist.  Having elevated progesterone levels relative to the rest of the sex hormones prevents a woman from achieving orgasm.

Prolactin: Not talked about very often, since it’s primary role is in lactation, but it is also involved in pituitary-ovary signalling.  Increasing prolactin levels increase vaginal lubrication and sex drive.

Luteinizing Hormone: Highly correlated with sex drive.  LH is a pituitary hormone that triggers ovulation in a woman.  Many researchers believe LH is one of the primary game-makers in sexual arousal.

Because of the role each of these hormones play in libido, the menstrual cycle demonstrates a clear pattern in fluctuating libido for most women.

The Menstrual Cycle and Libido

Testosterone levels rise gradually from about the 24th day of a woman’s menstrual cycle until ovulation on about the 14th day of the next cycle, and during this period women’s desire for sex has been shown, in general, to increase consistently. The 13th day (the cusp of ovulation) day is generally the day with the highest testosterone levels.  It is also the day on which LH spikes.   Ovulation, therefore, and no surprise here, is typically the randiest time of the month for a woman.  In the week following ovulation, the testosterone level is the lowest and as a result women experience less interest in sex.

During the week following ovulation, progesterone levels increase, and this often results in a woman experiencing difficulty achieving orgasm. Although the last days of the menstrual cycle are marked by a constant testosterone level, women’s libido may boost as a result of the thickening of the uterine lining which stimulates nerve endings and makes a woman feel aroused.  Also, estrogen levels are at their lowest throughout menstruation and into the follicular phase (the first two weeks of the cycle) so women experience the least vaginal lubrication at this time.  Because testosterone and estrogen are both increasing, however, sexual desire is ramping up again in time for ovulation.

What factors influence these hormone levels, and how do we make the best of them?

Estrogen Dominance:   As I mentioned above, estrogen is a testosterone antagonist.  When estrogen levels are too high relative to testosterone levels, libido plummets.  Women can become estrogen dominant by consuming too much soy (since soy acts as an estrogen in the body), by being overweight (since estrogen is produced in fat cells), and by being stressed out (since estrogen can act as part of the inflammatory response).  Women with estrogen dominance often experience symptoms of PMS, too, which does nothing to help libido.

Birth Control Pills: Birth control pills are another way that women can become estrogen dominant.  But that is not the only way they negatively effect libido.  Progesterone levels are often elevated out of the normal range on birth control pills, and testosterone sometimes plummets.   Yet the effects of birth control pills on women is wholly unpredictable.  Increasing levels of one hormone might decrease another, or might increase them exponentially, depending on how the woman’s HPA axis and ovarian feedback mechanisms work.  Women also experience a whole range of side effects on birth control pills ranging from acne to suicidal depression.  Birth control pills are no laughing matter, and their effect on libido is wide ranging.

All that said, since birth control really is so unpredictable, birth control can play a stimulatory role on libido for a woman, especially if she has chronically low levels of sex hormones in her blood.  Some women feel like a million bucks on estrogen pills.  If that is the case, however, birth control pills are only putting a band-aid on the problem, rather than solving it at its core.  That often requires looking at physiological problems that deplete sex hormone levels such as low body fat, stress, and energy deficits.

Testosterone blockers:  Some women get on testosterone blockers to help them with symptoms of hyperandrogenism or problems in their menstrual cycles that come from high testosterone production.  However, blocking testosterone is as good as eliminating it entirely.  Spironolactone and flutamide are the two most commonly used testosterone blockers.

Hypothyroidism:   Up to ten percent of women have clinical or sublicinical low thyroid issues.   Hypothyroidism is significantly linked to low libido.   T3, the active form of thyroid hormone, is crucial for the proper functioning of cells and organs.  Without T3, the reproductive system barely manages to inch forward.  Sex hormones suffer greatly, both at the ovarian level as well as in production at the hypothalamic and pituitary levels.

Hypothyroidism is caused by a wide variety of problems.  Hashimoto’s thyroiditis is a an autoimmune condition that accounts for the vast majority of Western hypothyroidism.  This can be mitigated by eliminating modern toxins, specifically wheat, dairy, and omega 6 vegetable oils, from the diet, and also by paying attention to gut health with gut-healing diets such as the GAPS diet.     Iodine-deficient diets can cause hypothyroidism.  This used to be uncommon in western countries, since western countries iodize their salt, but sea salt often does not contain much iodine in it.  Moreover, many Americans are now eschewing salt for “health benefits” (this is misguided), so their iodine levels are suffering.  The solution to this is to consume iodized salt, or to perhaps supplement with kelp for a while.  Iodine supplementation is tricky, however, and should build up slowly a la the recommendations of Paul Jaminet.   High intake of raw cruciferous vegetables can hurt an already suffering thyroid gland.   Yet more importantly, Low-carbohydrate diets contribute to hypothyroidism.    Glucose is required for the conversion of T4 to T3 in the liver, so without adequate glucose supplies the body’s thyroid functioning suffers.  This is a problem that many paleo women wrestle with.  Adding just 50 or 100 grams of starchy carbohydrate to a daily diet, however, can increase energy, improve sleep quality, improve quality of skin and hair, and also boost reproductive function.  Repairing sub-clinical hypothyroidism has also been shown to remove ovarian cysts and help anovulatory women both ovulate and menstruate.  For more on hypothyroidism, see Chris Kresser‘s work.

Stress:  Stress is a psychological libido-killer, but it also has a physiological analog.   When stressed, the body produces cortisol.  Cortisol has a negative feedback effect on the hypothalamus, and it can inhibit all of the hormonal signalling that comes out of the hypothalamus.  The hypothalamus is responsible for inciting pituitary function, so stress plays a very real role in inhibiting reproductive function.  As many as five percent of women suffer reproductive symptoms of chronic stress.

Low Dopamine:  Dopamine is the most important neurotransmitter for sexual prowess and reproductive function.  Fortunately, dopamine deficiencies are very often corrected with the introduction of exercise into someone’s daily life.  Almost nothing increases dopamine levels as well as exercise does.  (Although sex also has potent dopamine-releasing effects: skin-to-skin contact shoots dopamine levels through the roof.  But then dopamine levels plummet post-orgasm, creating withdrawal-type symptoms.  This is how the body reinforces sexual behavior.)

Some women have reported to me personally the return of menstruation from amenorrhea after resuming regular sexual activity.   They were as surprised as I was.  Yet perhaps we should not have been so surprised.  Dopamine is a potent neurotransmitter and, coupled with serotonin, can significantly up-regulate sex hormone production.

Low serotonin: Though excess serotonin has been linked to decreased arousal, serotonin also increases prolactin levels.  Prolactin is important for vaginal lubrication and for sexual arousal.  Ways to increase serotonin levels include adequate protein ingestion (.5 g/lb of lean body weight each day), adequate sun exposure, and perhaps most important of all, adequate sleep.

Low Body Fat/Excess Exercise/Energy Deficits:  These three phenomenon almost always manifest in tandem.   Yet the end result is the same: with low body fat, with excess exercise, and with caloric deficits, the body detects starvation.  Leptin levels plummet, and the hypothalamus stops thinking that the body is sufficiently fed.  Without leptin, the entire pituitary sex hormone cascade is not enacted.  No LH, no testosterone, no estrogen, no prolactin, no progesterone.  Body fat is unquestionably crucial for all reproductive function.  Libido just happens to be the one that’s the most fun to explore once proper body fat levels are restored.

————————————————————-

Psychological factors:

There remain the psychological aspects to increasing libido.  And of them there are many.  Perhaps a woman’s libido has been killed by a negative sexual experience.  Or perhaps the woman is too stressed out by other factors to care about sex…or perhaps sexual relations between two people are strained because they can’t stand each other outside of the bedroom even more than they can’t stand each other inside the bedroom.  Perhaps a woman’s lover is an ugly lump.

Many of those factors are outside my realm of expertise.

Some of them are inside of it, however, and fiercely.

————————————————————-

Women need first to think they are sexy.  I am so tired of women comparing themselves to others, and always thinking that beauty as relative.  Beauty is not relative.  It is everywhere.  And in everyone.   If she is beautiful it does not mean that you are less so. Period.  I don’t care if you have a chubby stomach.  I don’t care if you think your hair is boring.  I don’t care if your right boob is larger than your left.   Not a single other person cares either.  At all.  The only person who cares is you.   No one wants to make you “perfect” but you.

You don’t have a single thing in the world to apologize for.  No one is looking for apologies.

Instead, people are looking for statements.  They are looking for fun.  They are looking for inspiration, for character, and for life. 

In that way, what other people want from each other is not necessarily for them to meet some ridiculous standard but instead to make them feel good.   Whether that’s through sharing of your self-love, through your wicked personality, or through your liberated and unapologetically wild fantasies is totally up to you.  The point being that confidence and self-love are the most important factors for actually being attractive.  Sure, classic “looks” may follow, but only after a woman has convinced others that she is worth looking at.

Not a single person in the world wants to sleep with an apologizer.  ”Sorry, I don’t like who I am,” does not necessarily read like a 5-star resume.   People won’t be throwing themselves at that.  What they will instead throw themselves at is: “I am different from what you expect.  But that’s an asset.  I am worthy like you wouldn’t believe, and I am going to rock your world.”

Confidence is key.  Beauty is key.  And the thing is– damnit–it’s not faked confidence.    It’s not faked beauty.  You really are beautiful.  You really are unique.  You really are a natural, sexual, alive, vibrant woman.   You do not have a thing in the world to apologize for.  You are who you are, and you love being yourself, and you can share yourself powerfully and joyfully with others through sex.

This kind of self-love is why people get laid.  It’s not because they have perfect torsos and racks as big as wombats.   It’s because they have hot souls.

So confidence is important.  There’s one other crucial aspect I can speak to.   It’s this:

SEX IS AWESOME.

IT IS NOT DIRTY.

Look.  Sex is natural.  Sex is so natural, in fact, that it’s the very reason we all exist.  And sexual desire is natural.  It is, by extension, the very reason we all exist.  For that reason, along with many others, there is not a single immoral aspect to having sexual desire or having sex.  Period.

And sex is not gross. 

And a woman’s desire is not gross.

And a woman’s vagina is not gross.

And a woman having sex is not gross and not a slut.  

Or maybe she is a slut, but that’s cool because that’s natural, too.

Men who don’t understand any of that are not real men.

The whole point being that American culture is a culture in which sexuality, and female sexuality in particular, is a dirty thing.

That is not okay.

It’s so not okay.

It is, in fact, plain old wrong.  Sex is natural.  If a woman (or man!) wants to be delighting in it, and more power to her.    She is embracing her natural body.  She is embracing her natural desires.  She is owning her own confidence.  And she is exalting in the vibrancy of her very existence.

If that’s not hot, I don’t know what is.

 

High fives for sex!

 

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26 Comments

  1. I didn’t expect to get that today, but I needed it. I am very imperfect looking … I’m overweight and have got hair in places I would really not it to be, two rather large turn-offs for most guys. Two things guys see in their straight up nightmares. But I manage things relatively well and still have an hourglass figure and big boobs. And when I think of what attracts me to other guys, this is so true: “Instead, people are looking for statements. They are looking for fun. They are looking for inspiration, for character, and for life.” I would say it’s also true of other fat girls I’ve seen have successful relationships with decent guys. I always thought that maybe they could do it because they were naive about how unattractive they are, leaving them with enough confidence to attract someone and think the relationship will work without them getting cheated on. And I wished I was as naive and stupid as them. But maybe they just know what you said above. Hm.

  2. edit: “I would really not like it to be”

  3. Stef, great timing for this post. My mind has been on attack mode with the upcoming summer, and also because I’m going to Ladie’s Weekend on the Cape this weekend for the annual “lesbian hoorah”…while it’s easier to feel more comfortable with other women (because, well, we all have the same body parts and usually the same insecurities), it’s also much easier to compare yourself CONSTANTLY to other women and worry about your body since you “don’t look like that”. However, I must say that being attracted to women I’ve also noticed exactly what you’re saying: “It’s not because they have perfect torsos and racks as big as wombats. It’s because they have hot souls.” I’m always amazed by women who can carry themselves with self-love and go for what they want no matter WHAT they look like…it’s incredible! And while I’m still working my own self-love muscle, I know that it’s just a matter of time before the old voices of dearth are silenced by new ones that say “you’re beautiful. you’re hot. you deserve to feel sexy too”. This post definitely helped me center on that…especially when I most needed it. Thanks, girl :)

    • HOLY CRAP what an amazing comment– you are going to have THE BEST weekend and I can’t wait to hear about it– and also, Goodness, Alex, you deserve and are worthy of self love more than anyone in the world.

  4. Strolling through paleo blogs for food ideas… Didn’t expect this! YOU ROCK! I always get excited when I see other women talk about this! Keep it up!

  5. You are completely right. There is nothing sexier than a sexually empowered women who is confident, enjoys and wants sex. you are also right in claiming that any man who doesn’t get that is not a real man. Rock on girl!

  6. A..freaking…men. Amen.
    Girl, I love your bold tenacity in this post. I went from an unhappy skinny fashionista to super strong active power lifter. And my confidence is through the roof. Not because I fit into tiny jeans, but because I lifted a 180lb tractor tire and looked damn sexy doing it. The lucky guy who nails me down is definitely going to be around for the whole package… Not just because I got super dolled up.

    Keep the amazing truth coming. You’re a rock star!

    • Anytime, you sexy, badass woman. If we’re not going to enjoy sex, what the hell are we going to enjoy?

  7. Hi Stefani,

    I love the information in this blog. Great to see a Paleo blog directed to women.
    Since I’ve been Paleo my orgasms have been amazing I can only guess that my hormones have become so that I am able for the first time in my life (52 years) have a really good orgasm, not just a sneeze! I have been low carb or paleo for 2 years with a break of 6 months with consequences that took ages to rectify. But I have learnt!

    My name is Cassie Bond and I live in Australia and I have a blog I would like to link to yours and have you link to mine?
    I believe we can all benefit by linking with each other and getting our information out to as many people as we can. My passion is to help people to get well and I’ve been studying diet for most of my life.

    This is my link if you would like to link to me:
    http://alkalinepaleodiet.com/ I have already added a link to your blog so hopefully you’ll be getting some more traffic.

    My blog is my take on the low carb, high fat diet called the Alkaline Paleo diet. It is about my journey and all that I have learnt to heal myself of IBS and helping others to heal as well.

    I am organising an Alkaline Paleo retreat in Umbria, Italy next year(www.paradiso-integrale.com) which I believe will be very exciting. I am in Italy at the moment and most people can’t believe I can eat well here on this diet but I can and do! If you are interested in this retreat or know people who might be please let me know and I will send you the details when I have them. It would be wonderful to compare notes over an Umbrian sunset.

    If you haven’t replied within the next two weeks I shall take it that you are not interesting in linking to my blog and will take your link down.

    • Hi Cassie,
      I am sorry, I do not do well with ultimatums or with ‘tit-for-tat’ type interactions. I prioritize health and love, and if I see something that I think will help my readers, I will share it with them, regardless of whether or not the other author has linked to or even mentioned me. I may refer to you some time for that reason. But not because you are scratching my back. :) Love your blog.
      Stefani

  8. This is such an excellent post.

    Too many women are raised to think their vaginas are bad and scary things. I know so many women who don’t even masturbate. Before you can have sex, It’s important to have sex with yourself, as odd as that sounds. You’ll gain such a positive understanding of what makes you tick and that is sexy. Not only will you be more satisfied with your partner, but your partner will be more satisfied with the experience if YOU enjoy it too.

    Enjoying sex definitely does not make you a slut.

    I am a happy and confident woman: No, I am not a size zero, I do not have awesome hair, I am not statuesque…But I am happy with myself and confident in my sexuality. This perspective on myself has only been met with gratitude on behalf of my partners. I have never been called a slut…confident, empowered, yes.

    When you are happy from the inside out, you will attract like-minded people. Get out there, be happy and have some sex!

    • Hell yes! Get out there and masturbate, ladies. All of the time.

    • Having read your comment made me reflect on my days. Brought up in a strict conservative (i will leave the exact details out) family, I was brainwashed into thinking that anything related to sex was a sin. The only reason you have sex is when you need a child. Until 18 I was completely swamped with all these feelings not knowing what they are and what to do. That is when I met Sherrie and she taught me about things. I had to leave my family, shed everything of my old me and become a kid again. I loved the exploration and since haven’t stopped. If God gave those feelings He did it for a reason and I will not deny myself those gifts. And masturbation is definitely a gift. I love myself, I love the way i look and I surely dont care what the world thinks if I dont depend on it.

  9. Your blog really covers all the bases, Stefani. I’m enjoying flicking through, and finding gems like this.
    I *love* sex. Like, heaps. As much as my partner too, which is why we have an arrangement which the vast majority of societies (western, eastern, other) would frown upon – we can do it with other people as long as it doesn’t compromise our emotional relationship. We spend a lot of time apart, and to us sex is like exercise, fun and necessary. Rather than go without and make ourselves depressed and frustrated, we play with others to keep all those fantastic hormones going. Then, once we’re together again, we enjoy each other as much as we ever did. It’s been working for the last 9 years, so I’d cautiously say that I’m on a good deal.

    Turning my back on society’s expectations (and possible condemnations) was hard at first – I kept thinking that maybe it was wrong, even though it felt right and my partner was the one who suggested it in the first place. But after the third ‘guest star’ in my sexual history, I finally let go and said “You know what, this is me. I love sex, I need it, and that doesn’t mean I love my partner any less. In fact, it makes me love him more because he lets me do this, and I let him.” Since then, I have felt sexy all the time, which quite frankly is the greatest feeling in the world.

    Next to the feeling you get after finishing a particularly juicy steak, of course.

    • Thank you for sharing! Glad to have this viewpoint up on the blog. It is, of course, one I share, or at least sympathize with (not having one partner, but, well, a dating roulette of sorts) — I think it’s wicked important and totally valid.

      I recommend the book “Sex at Dawn” for anyone interested in a perspective on evolution that denies contemporary nuclear family / monogamy norms. A beautiful and scientifically rigorous challenge. :)

  10. Stephanie, I found your blog via marks daily apple, and I am still going through it. Thank you for this post. I have been primal for a year now and the list of healing in my life is long and I suspect ongoing. I still have weight to loose, but not worried about it. However I have noticed that orgasm is illusive now, despite enjoying sex, and feeling sexy with a fab long term relationship (25 years). So I read this post with interest, and am going to tr and up the carbs a bit. I don’t know how much I eat, but if I don’t seem to have much during the day, then I will go for some fruit in the evening. I sleep well, do a fair bit of functional exercise (on a farm, gardening etc), so this might be the key. We still have fun, but I am a bit concerned (and trying not to be), that I have trouble unravelling. I will add your blog to my list of must reads, thanks again :)

  11. I also found your blog via Mark’s Daily Apple & am glad to see you address paleo issues for women. I’ve always enjoyed sex & since marrying 12 yrs ago have been having wonderful orgasms that have lately “dried up.” I’ve been attributing that to my peri-menopause state & wonder if you have any ideas about that. I’m on very low estrogen/progest doses & have been considering asking my dr to add in testosterone (as my girlfriends report “great” sex with that addition) but maybe I just need to eat more carbs? I’ve been staying around 100g per day as I do struggle with my weight a little, even as a primal eater. Thanks for what you’re doing!

  12. I’m curious about hypothyroidism and low carb diets. I follow the Primal Blueprint which is where I first heard of your blog. It should be obvious that Mark advocates a low carb lifestyle but I dont think he has mentioned a connection to hypothyroidism. My mom has hypothyroidism and as of now (at 26) my thyroid function is perfect but I dont want that to change by going to hard core into the low carb aspect. I try to stick with 100g of carbs a day. Is that considered very low carb? I don’t want to compromise the longevity of my thyroid health.
    On a side note since ditching conventionally raised meat and going organic as much as possible while cutting out almost all grains and nuts while limiting dairy intake (greek yogurt only) has caused my libido to skyrocket! Now I just have to get my husbands to catch up. He could never give up his grains though. He thinks I’m crazy….

    • I have definitely heard that before. :) 100 g/day should be fine– paying attention to how you feel should make that even better. :)

  13. I was wondering if you could speak to my problem, which I think is similar for many women. In the past I have had ovarian cysts build up that required trips to the ER, and the last one required emergency surgery. The doctors basically say I need to either be on birth control or pregnant in order to prevent them. I am almost 30 days into going Paleo for my diet, and I’ll probably stick with that. Do you know if these simple diet changes would be enough to stop this kind of thing? Along with paying attention to sleep and stress. I haven’t been diagnosed as PCOS, though I could stand to lose a few pounds (the emergency surgery was around the time I was at my lowest weight, which was just within the BMI standards for normal weight). I would like to be off of birth control–I prefer using NFP/fertility awareness–but I really don’t want to have more surgeries!

    Thank you in advance!

  14. Hi Stefani
    I’m blogging as well and i really appreciate your content about female libido. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new information. Thanks!

  15. Great post!

  16. “Women can become estrogen dominant by consuming too much soy”

    False. Soy has not shown increase in estrogen, it’s a weak version of it. However, dairy products will increase your estrogen greatly.

    • Actually soy is a goitrogen…..meaning it suppresses thyroid function and uptake of iodine….iodine helps the estrogen sensitive tissues ie…ovaries, breasts….lower estrogen sensitivity….thereby increasing estrogens affect on the body without actually increasing levels……thereby the effect is indirect…

  17. Prolactin doesn’t increase sex drive or vaginal lubrication…you just went contrary to all medical knowledge…..it lowers both….prolactin is completely contrary to procreation since it’s then main hormone involved in lactation…….many women who are lactating have no libido, have vaginal dryness and don’t even ovulate…..how would this increase desire? Your body is trying to keep you from procreating since Your are nourishing a suckling child ……prolactin is made after orgasm….this is what’s causes the satiation involved in after period …..dopamine which is prolactins antagonist increases libido……

  18. I noticed that under “foods to avoid” for estrogen dominance you’ve left out the main sources of high estrogen! All animal products :meat, eggs, dairy, in that order…much higher estrogen levels than soy (and there’s a lot of debate whether soy helps or hinders estrogen dominance).

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